Here is a question many parents probably ask themselves when they enroll their children in music lessons: How important is my involvement and how do I do it successfully? The younger the child, the more parental involvement is necessary. Learning to play a musical instrument is much like learning a language or even, perhaps, like learning a sport. If a child goes down to a baseball field on a sunny afternoon once or twice a week and throws the ball around, the child will have fun. But the child will not refine and improve motor skills to be a competent baseball player without constant practice, hard work, parental guidance, encouragement, and unfortunately, some bad days that are no fun at all. A scenario like this one is not metaphorically perfect but you get the idea. Those of us who love music and value the ways in which it enriches our lives want our children to have a positive experience, if not a profound one, during the process of learning a musical instrument. We want our children to experience pride and success en route to developing their abilities to express themselves artistically. So it is up to parents to take care of all the peripheral details to ensure their child continues to grow through their musical experience. To this end, here are some practical ways to help your child at home. More detail and rigor is necessary early on for the younger child (ages 5-10).

During lessons:
1) Attend all the lessons.
2) Sit close to your child, keep a journal, and take notes.
3) Don’t wait until the end of class to clarify confusion.
4) Observe hand positions and posture to reinforce properly at home.
5) Listen to the language the teacher uses for instruction and become familiar with it for use at home.
6) Keep track of everything the child did well and praise them for it afterwards: “That finger exercise really improved after you played it the third time!”

At home:
1) Establish “Music Time” at home at least 4 times a week but strive for 6!
2) Create a comfortable space with all that is necessary (tuner, music stand, chair, etc.) for successful practice.
2) Keep a journal (perhaps the opposite page from the notes taken in class).
3) Try to create a little routine (left hand warm-up, right hand warm-up, new songs, review, etc…)
4) The more consistent this becomes the less battles you’ll have in the future. It becomes something you just do. Somedays will be great, some not so great.
5) Help in a passive way and only use positive language. Notice what is good and ask your child what could be better.
6) Keep a sense of humor handy to diffuse tension.
7) Praise your child for working hard and trying.
Keep a list of games that are fun for when excitement or the novelty of a new song dwindles.
9) Be specific with instructions: “Let’s play that group of notes four times slowly and then we can move on.”
10) Communicate successes with your child’s teacher.
11) Ask your teacher for more advice.

The more music making at home the better!

In our classes we progress through a series of melodies, musical activities, and parts (accompanying voices). We use an easily decipherable code to aid musically illiterate parents guide and play with their children at home. Today, I taught a part of a German folk song to two seven year olds and broke it down in the following way:

1) play rhythm only on one string (child can pick a specific string but I try to steer them to the string where the majority of the melodic notes are ultimately played)

2) play rhythm only but include the string crossing

2) sing the melody (or the part) in rhythm (create words if there are no words)

3) muffle strings with the left hand (or by sliding a sock under the strings next to the bridge) and play the rhythm (with or without string crossing) while singing the melody

4) find all pitches in the group of notes that are being practiced, arrange from low pitch to high pitch, and practice as a scale (forward and backward, sock removed)

5) review the rhythm and add one pitch at a time

6) sing and play

There should never be a rush to the next step. Move on when it feels right and sounds good.

A few days ago, a particularly talented student played through three songs beautifully. Over the course of the last several months, she has tackled challenging pieces and has improved dramatically from lesson to lesson. She is very determined to play guitar and she has a strong desire to play music. I told her that learning an instrument was a lot like climbing a very high mountain and that instead of taking a step at a time, it seemed like she had a helicopter to the top. I think she got the metaphor because of her smile. For parents of young musicians, the mountain metaphor is a good one. Note: although I enjoy a good hike, my mountain climbing is purely imaginary; experienced vicariously through my wife’s ascents of Kilimanjaro, Aconcagua, etc., and through a story I read to my children about the road to Lhasa. Nevertheless, peaks, as I understand them, are elusive, concealed in fog and clouds. With perseverance, intelligence, questioning, and some gentle guidance the peaks come into view. Sometimes, as my student’s parent chimed in, you have to stop and enjoy the view. Sometimes we tumble backwards and have to consult maps. Sometimes we have to go back to base camp and evaluate a new way to the top, etc… I could keep going.

The metaphor of the long haul is valuable for parents but for very young children it is not as useful though it is nice to share. Most parents have the perspective to see the learning curve and what a long term commitment could yield. Small children are zen creatures, living in the now, and living in the now for parents is sometimes as elusive as that mountain top when you’re cleaning, making dinner, and carting the siblings to their various sports and lessons. This is one of the reasons why it is challenging to sit patiently with your child while they explore every note on the guitar except the one you ask them to play. Suspend the future and past, provide specific activities and small goals to ensure success, offer praise for achieving and more importantly, for trying, and take another small step with your child tomorrow.

Approaching practice time is as much a psychological commitment as it is a time commitment for both parents and children. In order to strengthen the psychological aspect of the commitment, students must have success or they must at least perceive success. To this effect, approach music (or anything requiring consistency to master) from its simplest task. Simple means not complex or compound. For young children, select a group of notes (three? four?) where there is no doubt as to what the right hand must do, what the left hand must do, and what the final group of notes must sound like. Then segregate each part: play the right hand alone as many times as it takes to master the movements (with positive recognition for each successful repetition through a visual marker like a tally or sticker), play the left hand with careful attention to finger positioning (positive recognition as usual), then play hands together. If playing hands together remains difficult after several attempts, go back to what the student did best and then move on to a new group of notes or end play time on a positive note. The student should end play time with a sense of accomplishment, supported by visual reminders (stickers, tallies, etc.) of success and by praise for what was well done.

I’ve written about creating lists for your child as he or she progresses from the early stages of learning guitar into a practice routine at home. When my five year old son’s guitar time routine progressed from experimentation to active directed learning, I started keeping track of the activities, songs (or snippets of songs), and musical concepts we worked on. I’ve edited the lists little by little over the course of the last year and now have a list divided into four parts: new songs for learning, songs for review and refining, finger activities, and other. The list has gotten very long and complex, and, to come to the point of this entry, my son, Max, noticed this tonight in guitar time. We were sifting through his music sheets and a couple old lists appeared. He scrutinized them and proudly said something like, “Wow, I can play so many more songs now!”

Max was very proud. He was also enthusiastic about the suggestion of trying to build his current list with even more songs and activities. Learning a musical instrument well takes a lot of patience, hard work, and emotional energy. Having something concrete, like a series of lists to track progress, provides a confidence boost when you and your child are in it for the long haul.